The best way out is always through. ~Robert Frost

I find myself kind of trudging through lately. There is so much baggage on this journey for such a simple wish. I just want our family in tact. I am so eager for that day. But these past few days the wait seems excruciating, as it tends to feel every few months.

Looking at other people's referral pictures is not an intelligent way to pass the time when I am yearning for our kids. I feel a slight jealously even while I am exhilarated for these families. When will it be our turn?

Thank God we have these two beautiful girls with us to ease the wait. They are making lots of cards and pictures lately for their "new brothers and sisters" which is how we refer to them because we don't know if it will be 2 girls, 2 boys or one of each. My oldest has decided that the next toy that she earns from her bug chart (a good behaviour chart we use for the girls, which rewards them with toys - simply put, we bribe our kids to be good!) will be for her new brothers or sisters. They are vivid in their minds. And they are sharing with them already!

I can't imagine what a childless couple must feel on this journey. Those couples who don't have children to distract them from this long hard road. To not have someone to love and care for through this wait must be all consuming.

I have never experienced true yearning for a child. I got pregnant so easily that I didn't have time to really ache for them. Sure I was impatient during the pregnancy, but I had that. They were right there growing under my heart. Safe. I had control over so many things. It didn't feel like it does now. My heart is stretched all the way to Ethiopia. And it hurts!

But the only way out is through. I know that this marathon will be worth its rewards. I will understand the wait when we know who our children will be. I will look back and say, ah, that's why. One look at our new family and it will make sense. We will see it was all part of the plan and then this wait will disappear.

But in the meantime, we'll keep going. Left foot, now right foot. And we'll find that perhaps this is the preparation our heart needs. So it will be fit for the new journey that lies ahead.