adopting stereotypes

If I hear a reference to Angelina Jolie in regards to adoption one more time I think I am going to scream! And unfortunately for me this comes up often because we are adopting from Ethiopia, so I think I am going to have a very hoarse voice. Often it is mentioned in passing and not ill-intentioned, but it is the other times (usually in the media or the public remarks after an online article) when there is a negative connotation that just makes me squirm. So instead maybe I will save my vocal chords and rant a little.

People don't adopt because it's "in style" or because it's what some high profile celebrities are doing. Anyone who makes that statement has obviously never seriously considered or researched adoption. The life changing decision, research, education, homestudy, the GOVERNMENT APPROVAL for a start, would obviously weed out any star struck wannabe who considered restructuring their ENTIRE life to make room for another child.

I am only just beginning to cope with the idea that our family decision to adopt, and the long journey of research and soul searching that accompanied it, can and will be met with flippant remarks and occasionally assumed to be a frivolous decision. Anyone who has any knowledge of adoption whatsoever would never assume that this is a decision to be taken lightly.

I cringe whenever I hear someone's has pre-conceived notions about adoption or when they have the perception that adoption is "in". I detest that due to our family structure, people will make assumptions about us. Stereotypes are everywhere, even international adoption cannot escape it. I wince at the thought that some members of the public might actually think that people who choose to adopt internationally do so with a narcissistic agenda. Over and above that, that someone might possibly see the cost of the adoption, or fact that "everyone is doing it", as valid reason not to do it. These children need MORE people to do it. They need families WILLING to take a chance on them. And I understand that international adoption is expensive, but it is not out of reach. There are grants, there are loans, there is fundraising. This is a very viable way to have children that is not out of reach for anyone who is committed enough to take it on.

Our society needs to elevate its thinking and lift ourselves out of the narrow halls of our closed minds. Like I have said before, I wish adoption was not unique. I wish that there were so many people that did it that no one raised an eyebrow or thought it to be different. This is not a fashion trend. This is not a whim. These are people's lives.

This adoption was an even bigger decision than the choice itself to have a larger family. This one carried so much more weight. The challenges. The obstacles. The ignorant remarks. THIS is commitment. And I say that having bore two children already. Those two girls already look like me. I don't have to explain them to anybody. Our kids are not even home yet, we don't even know who they are, and I still have to learn to fight the lack of awareness. To respond responsibly to lack of education. To be nice. To educate. I am discovering my developing patience. I am willing myself not to be ignorant back. To share my joy and knowledge so that when I walk away a seed will be planted that will perpetuate the valid reasons that many walk this path to a child. And not the weeds of gossip and stereotype that unfortunately have a tendency to grow much faster.