Congratulations, it's BOYS!

Wow, I can hardly believe that I am writing this. Our little boys finally have made it out of MOI. And in one short week they have gotten their passports AND their visas! So I barely have time to update as we scramble to pack and be ready! By this time next week our boys will be waking up beside us and we will all look at each other with wonder. Each of our lives re-directed forever. I have been watching all of my kids closely as this date so suddenly draws near. Sugarbear can barely contain her excitement and has posted numerous countdown calendars all over the house, Jimmy will tell you his brothers names and where his brother's rooms are, but cannot grasp what is really going on, bur sweet D, her waters run deep. She has been stoic and quiet. She has cried more easily when in conflict with her sis. She has been getting upset quicker than normal about inconsequential things. We have talked to her several times about this transition. Told her it is ok to be nervous and scared. She was able to express her need for a hug, oh, about 8 times last night, and of course each time she got a big long snuggle. It is a reminder to be hyper aware of each of our children's needs as I this change will be so much more than bringing a baby home from the hospital. These little peoples lives are all 5 going to be turned upside down - but with a little help and awareness we should all land on our feet. Oh, and the other thing I wanted to mention about this was how flippin' EXCITING it is! When I was going into labour, there was of course HUGE excitement, but tied to the anticipation of having to endure PAIN. This is all smooth sailing from here baby - our labouring is complete!! All this packing and preparing and flying and then at long, long, last MEETING them....this is truly truly a miracle!

10 Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents

Here is an interesting list I stumbled upon today at babble.com/10 things Not to say to an adoptive parent . I read it and could immediately identify with it as personally, I have already encountered several variations of #2, 3, 6, 8 and 10.

I was particularly stunned at who one of my most hurtful encounters came from. In my reading and preparation for adopting inter-racially, I felt like I was prepared to answer to ignorant comments that I was (according to other trans-racial families) bound to encounter. I just wasn't prepared for it to be from my own Grandma. Honestly, perhaps some would say I could write it off to age or a generation gap, but I just don't buy that. I was really stunned and hurt by it, as I usually have a decent amount of respect and admiration for this woman. So, naturally, I was bowled over when she looked me in the eyes and asked (#8/10) why I preferred to buy black children?

I have to admit it took a honest effort, but I took a deep breath and remembered as adoptive families must...educate.

I thought I was successful in explaining to her the various reasons people choose international adoption, as it is very different from domestic. And to all you who say to us internationally adoptive families - "why don't you people adopt kids from your own country, there are enough of them here who need families!?" honestly - people do say this to us - we are doing both. But even if we weren't there are very valid reasons for and against both avenues. I told her why certain countries are more viable than others. I told her why adoption fees vary from place to place. I explained what you are actually paying for when you pay adoption fees; that you are not 'buying a child' but are actually paying for services and care. I said that to us, skin colour was really a non-issue; that we looked at the programs themselves not the colour or ethnicity of the children available; that we are lucky to have been blessed with our boys. But then, I am not so sure I did my job well enough.

Incredibly, she still answered with "well, they should be paying you to take them." I asked her who she thought should pay us to take them? Is it their government who must rely on privately run orphanages because they cannot afford publicly funded homes, or even foster care? This country who struggles one blow after another and still is resilient enough to keep moving forward and try to stabilize? This government who has been lied to, cheated, discriminated against, and robbed by foreign governments from the very day they won their independence. This country who despite winning their freedom was still forced to pay for their own victory? (Since their prior owners has 'bought' them as slaves, they were forced by France to repay their captors for "lost property", sinking Haiti into a crippling state of debt to which they have never recovered.) No, I don't think that they should pay us.

To this she replied "Well, you are doing a really good thing." (see #3 on the list below) So you can understand knowing the immediately prior dialogue if I don't take that last comment as a compliment. No, our adoption is not charity, nor done for the sake of doing something good - they are worlds apart, and anyone who adopts for the sake of charity or goodness itself is likely not going to have a very successful adoption, nor a very happy family. We adopted because we wanted a bigger family and I doubt getting pregnant would have earned us the same kuddos. Maybe you think I was being hard on her. Maybe I was? Well, I was still mad from the first comment, and in any case, I didn't respond because, yes, I knew what she meant...

So, I am generally sort of proud of the fact that I kept my cool and was able to help grams understand. I love my grandma and have to admit even writing this about her is making me uncomfortable, but it is one vivid example of what we face as internationally adoptive families- from people close to our hearts to perfect strangers and everyone in between. Besides, I truly believe now that she understands where we are coming from and I am optimistic these questions and issues have been fully satisfied for her, and most importantly, not in front of the kids. So while, yes, I think this article is written with a sort of snotty aggression, I kind of understand why. These are our kids we are talking about. We would do anything to protect them, especially when we REALLY understand how many of these questions may feel for them, and how our responses as their parents will help shape their identity and self-esteem. Perhaps sometimes a haughty remark back to an ignorant stranger might help them feel defended and loved because we care more about how our children feel then how we make a nosy stranger feel? Perhaps.

And yes, as an adoptive parent, I get it. I get the need to not lash out. The need to keep your cool- this is our opportunity to pump adoption education, to help the battle of ignorance that seems to run amazingly deep in regards to all kinds of adoption. If you don't believe me -just read the comments under any online adoption article in the news. These types of remarks were especially prevalent and hurtful while going through the Imagine adoption bankruptcy. I had to stop reading the comments from strangers that were under every editorial - they were not only hurtful but viciously uniformed. When people have the luxury of anonymity it is surprising what they will say. While I didn't sign up to be a spokesperson for adoption education, (I just wanted to grow my family through adoption) it seems to be intrinsic to it, especially when your children don't look like you, as is the case with both our Haitian and domestic adoptions. There is appears to be an expectation to share at all times, or to just 'understand what they mean' and get over it in a calm and cool manner, else risk being thought over-sensitive or thin skinned.

By deciding to become a trans-racial family we will wear adoption on our sleeves and it is going to be tricky. I know that 99.9% of the time questions are genuine, and that you didn't mean to define my birth children as my 'real' kids, or their birth mom and their 'real' mom (#6)...yes, I do know what you mean, and to be honest, if you are truly unaware and the comment was benign, I am not really overly offended by you, I am happy to correct you, and sure there are no lasting hard feelings if you remember the next time not to delineate my kids. But then, my kids aren't home yet, and the one who is, is currently too little to understand. Perhaps when they are home and they can understand, and they can hear you, I might not so easily identify with knowing 'what you mean'. I might have had a bad day and just want to get my groceries and screaming kids into the car before one more person comments on or questions my family dynamic. I don't know. But maybe.

So read this now and just see what I mean if I might correct your language, or tell you that my kids history is personal. I won't hold it against you. I won't even be upset with you when you make mistakes or have misconceptions, that is, the first time. People will make mistakes or sweeping statements because they are ill-informed. But if I do inform you, then please respect my family. Use our language. Please try and understand our point of view, and how you might inadvertently influence my childrens' feelings and sense of belonging if you don't. There is no question I love to talk and I love to promote adoption. It is off colour remarks and misconceptions that I find hard to swallow or perceive to affect my family negatively that I take offense to. Maybe you can educate yourself first before you say the 'wrong' thing. Perhaps you can start here...

Haitian Independence Day - Jan.1st

Jan.1st was Haitian Independence Day. We celebrated in our house by making Traditional Haitian Pumpkin Soup. It is considered good luck if it is the first thing you eat on Jan.1st. So before breakfast, we all took a bite, and my brother in-law thought it was so good that he ate a bowl for breaky!

I have tried this once before, but I totally destroyed it and it was disgusting. This year I found this delicious and easy recipe:

Ingredients:

Servings:

4 4

4

Servings Size

Units: US | Metric

• 1 lb corned beef or 1 lb beef stew meat
• water
• 1 1/2 lbs pumpkin , peeled & diced
• 2 turnips , diced
• 1 small onion , finely chopped
• 1 sprig parsley
• 1 sprig thyme
• 3 garlic cloves , crushed
• 1 cup milk
• 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 3/4 cup rice , washed (uncooked, not instant)
• salt
• 3/4 teaspoon pepper
• 2 -4 teaspoons butter

Directions:

1. In a saucepan, cover beef generously with water and boil over medium low heat, partially covered for 1 hour.
2. Drain and chop beef into bite-sized pieces.
3. In a saucepan, bring 4 cups of water to a boil; add pumpkin, turnips, beef, onions, parsley, thyme, and 2 cloves garlic.
4. Simmer until pumpkin is tender (15 minutes).
5. Discard parsley and thyme.
6. Transfer pumpkin to food processor with 1/4 cup stock and puree.
7. Return to saucepan and heat through.
8. Add milk, nutmeg, butter, and rice; cook until rice is tender (15-20 minutes).
9. Season with salt and pepper, and mix in remaining garlic.
10. Serve hot with a little butter in each bowl.

Read more: http://www.food.com/recipe/haitian-pumpkin-soup-soup-joumou-soupe-giraumon-117705#ixzz1krWWR9HW

Even better than the soup was the reason for it. Before Haiti won their independence, Pumpkin was considered a delicacy and the slaves were forbidden from eating it. So every year they eat pumpkin soup to celebrate their victory. Read more here:

http://silverinternational.mbhs.edu/v162/V16.2.04a.Independence.htm

Third Day

Listened to this a lot over the holidays. Thinking about MnM a lot, especially as their 'gotcha day' draws near. At this moment, I think it could be about a month more until we get 'the call' that they have their visas and we can pick them up and take the HOME! But as we have learned, this is adoption is some ride, and that time frame can quickly lengthen (or shorten??Please God!)

In any case, our bags are packed with about 100lbs of donations from the girls school and community. It has been such an awesome feeling to have all this amazing support behind us and we are so happy to be able to take these items and hand deliver them for all of the people who were kind enough to want to help. Looking forward to posting those pics when they are in.

In the meantime, still listening to these melancholy/happy ending songs and dreaming about what my little boys will feel like in my arms...

Denver the Officially Guilty Dog

Just love this video - so funny and cute - had to share!

Dee: "I wanna be a dentist when I grow up" Me: "Dentists make lots of money!" Dee: "So that means they can sell their money to help a lot of people?" Me:" Yes Dee, if you were a dentist you could use your money to help lots of people" Dee: " Then I am DEFINITELY going to be a dentist and help Haiti Children's Home".....wow! I am a proud mama today....

Dresses Up

Sugarbear has got a thing for fashion. Is that weird for an 8 year old girl of a mom who has absolutely no clue on the subject? In support of her blossoming interest her auntie and cousin gave her a cute little binder to hold all of her sketches. She has now filled it to the brim, after selling a few for 50 cents here, $1 there. Cherish them Nana, she says, because when she starts to make these dresses, they are going to cost a lot more!
I can't help but look at her with wonder about what life will bring her. Will any of this stick? Or is this just a passing fancy? She wants to learn how to sew, but I am terrible at any arts and crafts. She wants to learn to knit as well. My grandma taught me that when I was little. I think we can tackle this together. We bought her a book and some yarn and we will see how this pans out.
She has seen the empty shop on the main street downtown. She has been telling Daddy how she could rent that space to sell her dresses and things. Her cousin 'O' decidedly agrees. I overheard them chatting in the back on the van "if you open a store like that, they will come running through your doors!" I think perhaps we should put 'O' will be in charge of marketing!
She has sketched and named it already. "Dresses Up" What an awesome name - she came up with it and sketched it into her binder when she was in time out. At least she is making use of her time!
I wonder if her life will fulfill this budding interest. Of course, as her mom, imagining the possibility to its fullest, I have already planned her sewing lessons when she is 12, design school after her business degree, and it's going to be great to not have to shop anymore, with my daughter able to make all of my clothes...