All of this has bubbled to the surface again recently as I read reports that Haiti and the USA allowed 12 children who were not matched prior to the quake (ie children JUST LIKE our twins) to be matched and have their adoptions processed from within the United States....hmmmm....exactly what I have been asking our Canadian government to do for us and the boys. The difference is, they are doing this in the States because the USA screwed up and 'accidentally' removed these 12 children who had no waiting families in the confusion of the post quake evacuation of Haitian orphans. (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/12/01/adoption-allowed-kids-survived-haiti-quake/)
Regardless of the 'why', I see now a lost possibility....Haiti has agreed to allow these children to complete an adoption from START to FINISH from within the USA. And yet, Canada remains silent, opposed to conversing with the Haitian authorities as our children wait in their temporary shelter outside, an orphanage building condemned a year ago, as one of them suffered Cholera unnecessarily; but above all as they wait....PARENTLESS.
In the meantime, we realize the reality of this adoption and set our sights on an optimistic 2013 to bring them home (if at all...the first part of our adoption that is supposed to take 3 weeks has now taken over 4 months and counting....in addition we face the extraordinary uncertainty of a Presidential election and a cabinet change, which could change the face of Haitian adoption once again all together come Feb when the new officials take office). The necessity for us to accept this scenario and grow some super human patience under our feet becomes desperately apparent. I cannot live my life with the hope that SOMEBODY will do SOMETHING for these kids...it is simply not going to happen. I can't live the in the possibility that a miracle can happen anymore. No Prince from our Canadian government is going to ride up on a white horse attempt to bring these boys home early. The best we can do at the moment it send vitamins and medicine and vaccinations and hope that they remain healthy and stable and alive until the day they find our arms.
Even then, we need to remind ourselves of the acute possibility that they might never be ours. They live in a country literally shattered by an earthquake, on their knees economically, facing Hurricanes and flooding, an ancient and violent killer disease and now the acute possibility of civil war in the wake of an Presidential election ridden with riots and controversy. I say this bitterly, of course, but it is relieving to root myself in reality. I can't live in hope, it's too painful.
Also, I can't keep feeling sorry for myself and them like I have become so accustomed to in recent months. I am done crying over this. The reality is our boys are are loved. They are fed. They are warm. None of this in the sense of our overindulged North American culture of course, but they are okay. We have access to their pictures and videos by the grace of wonderful volunteer caregivers. We get to send books and pictures; love and medicine; clothes and care packages. It is not an ideal situation. It is going to be a long wait. But it is what it is and I think, finally, I am okay with that. I have no choice.
I have made a turn in my thinking and found some comfort in our fate. I released all of all that baggage. And beautifully, I got what I like to think was a little wink from God. On Dec.14th, in the dead of a Canadian winter, we found a butterfly on our window sill! Did I mention we live in Northern Alberta where the temp in the winter often hovers around a bone chilling -20 celcius? The girls named her "Pixie". We put out sugar water and bought some flowers for her. She hung around for about a week and a half. How lovely and exciting to have a 'pet' butterfly in the midst of miserable cold and desperation! A symbol of NEW LIFE! NEW BEGINNINGS! CHANGE! I can live with that.
