Just stumbled across this beautiful Robert Frost Poem on my friend's blog (http://schimke-adoption.blogspot.com/) and find it so inspiring. I hope that I will always be able to look back and believe in our road less travelled....
The Path Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Butterfly symbolism
I have been trying for the past few months to spring our government into action for our family but to no avail. My letter writing campaign and phone calls have had little to no effect and my cries for CIC to have a conversation with the Haitian Government over our adoption, and the state of adopters such as us who have been in process since prior to quake, have fallen on deaf ears. I receive the same canned responses over and over with no acknowledgement of my biggest question: "why not?" Overall, my biggest frustration is that there is currently a process in Canada now for the 203 Haitian adoptees who were evacuated to their Canadian families post quake last year. Perhaps in the devastated state that Haiti is in, the face of their International process could be changed.
All of this has bubbled to the surface again recently as I read reports that Haiti and the USA allowed 12 children who were not matched prior to the quake (ie children JUST LIKE our twins) to be matched and have their adoptions processed from within the United States....hmmmm....exactly what I have been asking our Canadian government to do for us and the boys. The difference is, they are doing this in the States because the USA screwed up and 'accidentally' removed these 12 children who had no waiting families in the confusion of the post quake evacuation of Haitian orphans. (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/12/01/adoption-allowed-kids-survived-haiti-quake/)
Regardless of the 'why', I see now a lost possibility....Haiti has agreed to allow these children to complete an adoption from START to FINISH from within the USA. And yet, Canada remains silent, opposed to conversing with the Haitian authorities as our children wait in their temporary shelter outside, an orphanage building condemned a year ago, as one of them suffered Cholera unnecessarily; but above all as they wait....PARENTLESS.
In the meantime, we realize the reality of this adoption and set our sights on an optimistic 2013 to bring them home (if at all...the first part of our adoption that is supposed to take 3 weeks has now taken over 4 months and counting....in addition we face the extraordinary uncertainty of a Presidential election and a cabinet change, which could change the face of Haitian adoption once again all together come Feb when the new officials take office). The necessity for us to accept this scenario and grow some super human patience under our feet becomes desperately apparent. I cannot live my life with the hope that SOMEBODY will do SOMETHING for these kids...it is simply not going to happen. I can't live the in the possibility that a miracle can happen anymore. No Prince from our Canadian government is going to ride up on a white horse attempt to bring these boys home early. The best we can do at the moment it send vitamins and medicine and vaccinations and hope that they remain healthy and stable and alive until the day they find our arms.
Even then, we need to remind ourselves of the acute possibility that they might never be ours. They live in a country literally shattered by an earthquake, on their knees economically, facing Hurricanes and flooding, an ancient and violent killer disease and now the acute possibility of civil war in the wake of an Presidential election ridden with riots and controversy. I say this bitterly, of course, but it is relieving to root myself in reality. I can't live in hope, it's too painful.
Also, I can't keep feeling sorry for myself and them like I have become so accustomed to in recent months. I am done crying over this. The reality is our boys are are loved. They are fed. They are warm. None of this in the sense of our overindulged North American culture of course, but they are okay. We have access to their pictures and videos by the grace of wonderful volunteer caregivers. We get to send books and pictures; love and medicine; clothes and care packages. It is not an ideal situation. It is going to be a long wait. But it is what it is and I think, finally, I am okay with that. I have no choice.
I have made a turn in my thinking and found some comfort in our fate. I released all of all that baggage. And beautifully, I got what I like to think was a little wink from God. On Dec.14th, in the dead of a Canadian winter, we found a butterfly on our window sill! Did I mention we live in Northern Alberta where the temp in the winter often hovers around a bone chilling -20 celcius? The girls named her "Pixie". We put out sugar water and bought some flowers for her. She hung around for about a week and a half. How lovely and exciting to have a 'pet' butterfly in the midst of miserable cold and desperation! A symbol of NEW LIFE! NEW BEGINNINGS! CHANGE! I can live with that.
All of this has bubbled to the surface again recently as I read reports that Haiti and the USA allowed 12 children who were not matched prior to the quake (ie children JUST LIKE our twins) to be matched and have their adoptions processed from within the United States....hmmmm....exactly what I have been asking our Canadian government to do for us and the boys. The difference is, they are doing this in the States because the USA screwed up and 'accidentally' removed these 12 children who had no waiting families in the confusion of the post quake evacuation of Haitian orphans. (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/12/01/adoption-allowed-kids-survived-haiti-quake/)
Regardless of the 'why', I see now a lost possibility....Haiti has agreed to allow these children to complete an adoption from START to FINISH from within the USA. And yet, Canada remains silent, opposed to conversing with the Haitian authorities as our children wait in their temporary shelter outside, an orphanage building condemned a year ago, as one of them suffered Cholera unnecessarily; but above all as they wait....PARENTLESS.
In the meantime, we realize the reality of this adoption and set our sights on an optimistic 2013 to bring them home (if at all...the first part of our adoption that is supposed to take 3 weeks has now taken over 4 months and counting....in addition we face the extraordinary uncertainty of a Presidential election and a cabinet change, which could change the face of Haitian adoption once again all together come Feb when the new officials take office). The necessity for us to accept this scenario and grow some super human patience under our feet becomes desperately apparent. I cannot live my life with the hope that SOMEBODY will do SOMETHING for these kids...it is simply not going to happen. I can't live the in the possibility that a miracle can happen anymore. No Prince from our Canadian government is going to ride up on a white horse attempt to bring these boys home early. The best we can do at the moment it send vitamins and medicine and vaccinations and hope that they remain healthy and stable and alive until the day they find our arms.
Even then, we need to remind ourselves of the acute possibility that they might never be ours. They live in a country literally shattered by an earthquake, on their knees economically, facing Hurricanes and flooding, an ancient and violent killer disease and now the acute possibility of civil war in the wake of an Presidential election ridden with riots and controversy. I say this bitterly, of course, but it is relieving to root myself in reality. I can't live in hope, it's too painful.
Also, I can't keep feeling sorry for myself and them like I have become so accustomed to in recent months. I am done crying over this. The reality is our boys are are loved. They are fed. They are warm. None of this in the sense of our overindulged North American culture of course, but they are okay. We have access to their pictures and videos by the grace of wonderful volunteer caregivers. We get to send books and pictures; love and medicine; clothes and care packages. It is not an ideal situation. It is going to be a long wait. But it is what it is and I think, finally, I am okay with that. I have no choice.
I have made a turn in my thinking and found some comfort in our fate. I released all of all that baggage. And beautifully, I got what I like to think was a little wink from God. On Dec.14th, in the dead of a Canadian winter, we found a butterfly on our window sill! Did I mention we live in Northern Alberta where the temp in the winter often hovers around a bone chilling -20 celcius? The girls named her "Pixie". We put out sugar water and bought some flowers for her. She hung around for about a week and a half. How lovely and exciting to have a 'pet' butterfly in the midst of miserable cold and desperation! A symbol of NEW LIFE! NEW BEGINNINGS! CHANGE! I can live with that.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
On Sunday I discovered that Moli--- returned home to the orphanage, and was on the mend. That same day his caregiver posted on facebook that he was looking out an open door calling "daddy....daddy...!" Perhaps he saw his little friend's father, the Dr., who came down to the rescue when she was sick. Maybe he was wondering, while he was ill, where was his daddy?
I feel so immeasurably grateful in the level of care that our boys are receiving. Everyone is just bending over backwards to ensure their health and safety and love. Thank you, S---, for insisting that he receive IV therapy! I am so glad that you can stomp your feet as be his advocate and his mommy while I cannot - you did exactly what I would have done and I take great comfort in that.
This adoption is such a roller coaster of emotion. A term I know that I have used before but I can't think of a better way to describe it. One day I am content that they are safe and loved. I am moved by a strangers kindness, blessed by someone's words. Another day my reality is much darker and filled with concern and anger at the corruption that is getting the way of progress, the inaction of our government, and the callousness in which they tend to see this situation. And then I imagine all the folks that are living it day to day. As it is I feel like in everything I do that half of me is in Haiti and it torments me. I live in a world of stark incongruity. Everything I see flashes before my eyes in paradox to the images of a country on its knees that seemed to be burned on the backs of my retinas.
I have to find a middle ground somewhere, but how? Where do I draw the line and not find everything that is ingrained in our society silly and greedy? I need some new clothes...I need a haircut...I need new floors...I need.....I need...I need...And I am not by any means excluding myself from this absurdity. I just got a quote for a new island in my kitchen...while my own Haitian children have a home, or rather, a plywood shelter. A type dwelling that our society would hardly deem partially acceptable, even for camping. I am living a life of relentless self loathing for all this 'stuff'. How will I find my happiness again?
This road to adoption has opened my eyes to a world...no, not just opened my eyes...pulled me into a world that I knew existed, but one that once my paltry monthly donation was enough to placate my concern for the needy. That's funny. The needy. What's so ironic is that our society is the one that feels neediest of all.
I will continue to walk this tightrope, trying to find my center; my happiness. However, I wonder if things will ever really be the same for me, and often I find myself longing for ignorance. The kind that allows you to throw money at a problem and it magically disappears. The kind that doesn't follow you around, taunting you; reminding you that your concern is almost inconsequential; a drop in the ocean. Yet, you can't escape, because your children live in most people's worst nightmare....and all you want to do is just open your eyes...and wake everybody up.
I feel so immeasurably grateful in the level of care that our boys are receiving. Everyone is just bending over backwards to ensure their health and safety and love. Thank you, S---, for insisting that he receive IV therapy! I am so glad that you can stomp your feet as be his advocate and his mommy while I cannot - you did exactly what I would have done and I take great comfort in that.
This adoption is such a roller coaster of emotion. A term I know that I have used before but I can't think of a better way to describe it. One day I am content that they are safe and loved. I am moved by a strangers kindness, blessed by someone's words. Another day my reality is much darker and filled with concern and anger at the corruption that is getting the way of progress, the inaction of our government, and the callousness in which they tend to see this situation. And then I imagine all the folks that are living it day to day. As it is I feel like in everything I do that half of me is in Haiti and it torments me. I live in a world of stark incongruity. Everything I see flashes before my eyes in paradox to the images of a country on its knees that seemed to be burned on the backs of my retinas.
I have to find a middle ground somewhere, but how? Where do I draw the line and not find everything that is ingrained in our society silly and greedy? I need some new clothes...I need a haircut...I need new floors...I need.....I need...I need...And I am not by any means excluding myself from this absurdity. I just got a quote for a new island in my kitchen...while my own Haitian children have a home, or rather, a plywood shelter. A type dwelling that our society would hardly deem partially acceptable, even for camping. I am living a life of relentless self loathing for all this 'stuff'. How will I find my happiness again?
This road to adoption has opened my eyes to a world...no, not just opened my eyes...pulled me into a world that I knew existed, but one that once my paltry monthly donation was enough to placate my concern for the needy. That's funny. The needy. What's so ironic is that our society is the one that feels neediest of all.
I will continue to walk this tightrope, trying to find my center; my happiness. However, I wonder if things will ever really be the same for me, and often I find myself longing for ignorance. The kind that allows you to throw money at a problem and it magically disappears. The kind that doesn't follow you around, taunting you; reminding you that your concern is almost inconsequential; a drop in the ocean. Yet, you can't escape, because your children live in most people's worst nightmare....and all you want to do is just open your eyes...and wake everybody up.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Letter to Jason Kenney before I found out my baby is sick
Nov.24, 2010
To the Hon. Jason Kenney,
I have been writing many letters to you in regards to our children, M---- and M----, who currently reside in Haiti. I have received two emails since the start of my letters; One from James T----n from the Ottawa Haiti Processing Office and one from Jane Burton with the Ministerial Enquires Division. Both letters have confirmed what I already know, and have known since the start of the year, that: “Operation Stork was a joint agreement between the Canadian and Haitian Governments, where the Haitian Government gave their permission to allow children, who were matched with their Canadian adoptive parents prior to the earthquake in January 2010, to be processed in Canada under special immigration measures.”
I understand that typically CIC does not get involved in the adoption process itself, and that the earthquake was very special circumstances. What I am having trouble with, is why, when post earth quake Haiti is in a much worse situation now with the Cholera epidemic, our Canadian government is not doing all they can on a federal level to try to help the very few (possibly even only 3-4) existing families in process who have received their match?
CBC reports:
"This today is the most urgent crisis Haiti is facing,"
Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/11/23/cholera-haiti.html#ixzz16G80SjtI
Another CBC article states:
“Ten months after the earthquake, the humanitarian response "appears paralyzed," says Refugee International.”
“Experts I respect have urged the need for some form of international mandate to protect Haiti, basically from its own corrupt leadership and lack of governance, until some workable security and legal system can be established. Who owns title to a piece of land? How is housing zoned? Where does one appeal an injustice? To these questions there is still no answer.”
"Cholera is a game changer in the most fundamental sense," says Melinda Miles of the Let Haiti Live Group. "It is an immediate and critical crisis that requires all hands on deck in response.”
PLEASE Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/11/24/f-vp-stewart.html#ixzz16G1MUOeD
If what is being reported is true, CIC should be taking a very long look at those files currently in Haiti that were started before the quake.
I have accumulated the following questions and have compiled them into this one letter for your ease of response:
1. Why is CIC not doing all they can, by entering into a similar discussion as post quake with the Haitian authorities, on this matter of children who are in the adoption process with Canadian families in this time of crisis?
2. We understand that IBESR, Haitian Social Services, was never 'closed' after the earthquake of Jan.12, 2010. They were in fact operational and working outside of their collapsed building during and after the time of Operation Stork. The Haitian adoption system bounced back considerably fast in the circumstances. It was always the understanding of the public based on CIC releases and press coverage, that CIC was using Operation Stork to remove the children from the threats created by the quake. Are you now saying that this was not the case? If it was the case, why won’t you approach the Haitian government once again considering the conditions are far worse now, and continue to worsen, than they were post quake?
3. What flagged CIC into action post quake? Was it letters from concerned adoptive parents, or that the process was already being executed by Haiti and other governments including France, Netherlands and the USA? If it was the urgency of the situation itself, why is CIC not attempting to act now, considering the situation in every sense in Haiti is so much worse?
4. During the aftermath of the earthquake, upon inquiring about CIC's initial notices regarding Operation Stork in regards to families who had adoptions in process, I was informed by Minister Kenney's special assistant, Sean O----, via telephone that CIC would not leave behind any families in process, and that first priority would be given to families who had been matched with children, but that the government would not turn their back on families whose adoptions were already underway. What has made CIC change their position on helping 'all families in process' of adoption in the aftermath of the quake?
Thank you for your time in answering these questions. All we want to know is that our Canadian government has done everything they can for our children. By not having at least a discussion on this matter with the Haitian authorities, we will never know if something more could be done. If the Haitian authorities do not want their children removed prematurely, then we must respect that, but we implore you to at least approach the Haitian government or we will never know. Please do not turn your backs on these kids and their Canadian families.
Sincerely,
To the Hon. Jason Kenney,
I have been writing many letters to you in regards to our children, M---- and M----, who currently reside in Haiti. I have received two emails since the start of my letters; One from James T----n from the Ottawa Haiti Processing Office and one from Jane Burton with the Ministerial Enquires Division. Both letters have confirmed what I already know, and have known since the start of the year, that: “Operation Stork was a joint agreement between the Canadian and Haitian Governments, where the Haitian Government gave their permission to allow children, who were matched with their Canadian adoptive parents prior to the earthquake in January 2010, to be processed in Canada under special immigration measures.”
I understand that typically CIC does not get involved in the adoption process itself, and that the earthquake was very special circumstances. What I am having trouble with, is why, when post earth quake Haiti is in a much worse situation now with the Cholera epidemic, our Canadian government is not doing all they can on a federal level to try to help the very few (possibly even only 3-4) existing families in process who have received their match?
CBC reports:
"This today is the most urgent crisis Haiti is facing,"
Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/11/23/cholera-haiti.html#ixzz16G80SjtI
Another CBC article states:
“Ten months after the earthquake, the humanitarian response "appears paralyzed," says Refugee International.”
“Experts I respect have urged the need for some form of international mandate to protect Haiti, basically from its own corrupt leadership and lack of governance, until some workable security and legal system can be established. Who owns title to a piece of land? How is housing zoned? Where does one appeal an injustice? To these questions there is still no answer.”
"Cholera is a game changer in the most fundamental sense," says Melinda Miles of the Let Haiti Live Group. "It is an immediate and critical crisis that requires all hands on deck in response.”
PLEASE Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/11/24/f-vp-stewart.html#ixzz16G1MUOeD
If what is being reported is true, CIC should be taking a very long look at those files currently in Haiti that were started before the quake.
I have accumulated the following questions and have compiled them into this one letter for your ease of response:
1. Why is CIC not doing all they can, by entering into a similar discussion as post quake with the Haitian authorities, on this matter of children who are in the adoption process with Canadian families in this time of crisis?
2. We understand that IBESR, Haitian Social Services, was never 'closed' after the earthquake of Jan.12, 2010. They were in fact operational and working outside of their collapsed building during and after the time of Operation Stork. The Haitian adoption system bounced back considerably fast in the circumstances. It was always the understanding of the public based on CIC releases and press coverage, that CIC was using Operation Stork to remove the children from the threats created by the quake. Are you now saying that this was not the case? If it was the case, why won’t you approach the Haitian government once again considering the conditions are far worse now, and continue to worsen, than they were post quake?
3. What flagged CIC into action post quake? Was it letters from concerned adoptive parents, or that the process was already being executed by Haiti and other governments including France, Netherlands and the USA? If it was the urgency of the situation itself, why is CIC not attempting to act now, considering the situation in every sense in Haiti is so much worse?
4. During the aftermath of the earthquake, upon inquiring about CIC's initial notices regarding Operation Stork in regards to families who had adoptions in process, I was informed by Minister Kenney's special assistant, Sean O----, via telephone that CIC would not leave behind any families in process, and that first priority would be given to families who had been matched with children, but that the government would not turn their back on families whose adoptions were already underway. What has made CIC change their position on helping 'all families in process' of adoption in the aftermath of the quake?
Thank you for your time in answering these questions. All we want to know is that our Canadian government has done everything they can for our children. By not having at least a discussion on this matter with the Haitian authorities, we will never know if something more could be done. If the Haitian authorities do not want their children removed prematurely, then we must respect that, but we implore you to at least approach the Haitian government or we will never know. Please do not turn your backs on these kids and their Canadian families.
Sincerely,
Monday, November 15, 2010
Update from HCH blog: Staff needed at HCH
The doctor and one or two other men will arrive in Haiti tomorrow. We still need to schedule helpers for basic child care and medical or nursing staff for after they leave.
We are also in need of funding to help cover the extra costs associated with isolation, caring for the children and medication etc. We also have people who are willing to go if we can help them with travel expenses. If you can help in this way, please see our website at http://www.haitichildrenshome.com/ for information on how to donate funds.
We are also in need of funding to help cover the extra costs associated with isolation, caring for the children and medication etc. We also have people who are willing to go if we can help them with travel expenses. If you can help in this way, please see our website at http://www.haitichildrenshome.com/ for information on how to donate funds.
An update from the HCH blog:
HCH Cholera update
We are getting a doctor!!! And some extra hands! This is in addition to the nurse who was loaned to HCH by another organization over the weekend. The nurse will be at HCH until Tuesday. We praise God as this is a huge answer to prayer. Thank you to everyone who has been helping us look for help. We will need more helpers over the next several weeks so please feel free to contact us if you would like to help.
We are now up to 7 children with symptoms of cholera (adoptive parents will be contacted personally if their children become ill). There seems to a new patient to our little 'cholera' unit every few hours; so far only one has had to be on IV fluid. We pray that God will continue to allow their symptoms to be moderate and not severe like Evan was at first.
Please continue to hold Shae and Melissa up in prayer; they are very weary and exhausted. They have only had 4 hours of sleep since Friday when all of this started. They have been so busy that in addition to sleep deprivation they have also lacked in nutrition as they haven't had time to stop and eat much. Please help us pray that God will put a hedge of protection about them.
Please continue to help us pray for the people of Haiti; those in Haiti who are ill or could become ill and those living in the deplorable conditions left by the earthquake. Please also remember the Haitian people (and missionaries) living in other countries who are experiencing great anxiety and grief over their families.
If you would like to help, items can be dropped off to Lori West for the team to take with them. Please contact Lori West on facebook or at sorrylori@hotmail.com for more information. If you would like to donate funds to help with medication and other expenses related to this crisis, please see the website www.haitichildrenshome.com for more information on how to donate.
We are getting a doctor!!! And some extra hands! This is in addition to the nurse who was loaned to HCH by another organization over the weekend. The nurse will be at HCH until Tuesday. We praise God as this is a huge answer to prayer. Thank you to everyone who has been helping us look for help. We will need more helpers over the next several weeks so please feel free to contact us if you would like to help.
We are now up to 7 children with symptoms of cholera (adoptive parents will be contacted personally if their children become ill). There seems to a new patient to our little 'cholera' unit every few hours; so far only one has had to be on IV fluid. We pray that God will continue to allow their symptoms to be moderate and not severe like Evan was at first.
Please continue to hold Shae and Melissa up in prayer; they are very weary and exhausted. They have only had 4 hours of sleep since Friday when all of this started. They have been so busy that in addition to sleep deprivation they have also lacked in nutrition as they haven't had time to stop and eat much. Please help us pray that God will put a hedge of protection about them.
Please continue to help us pray for the people of Haiti; those in Haiti who are ill or could become ill and those living in the deplorable conditions left by the earthquake. Please also remember the Haitian people (and missionaries) living in other countries who are experiencing great anxiety and grief over their families.
If you would like to help, items can be dropped off to Lori West for the team to take with them. Please contact Lori West on facebook or at sorrylori@hotmail.com for more information. If you would like to donate funds to help with medication and other expenses related to this crisis, please see the website www.haitichildrenshome.com for more information on how to donate.
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