The twins' 1st birthday

I miss my boys.

A strange feeling to miss someone you haven't met yet. Even weirder that they are my sons.

Celebrating their 1st birthday without them underscored all these feelings, and in a way also connected my to them a little more. It was so wonderful to have Nana and Grandad and Auntie S, Uncle M, the the 3 cousins here to celebrate this milestone for them and for our family.

It's cute - D keeps saying to the littlest baby as she shows him the twins' picture "Look at your baby brothers!" and I have to remind here that the twins are his BIG brothers, even though they came to us after the baby. A tricky concept for a 3 year old I guess!

I heard from one of the volunteers that our boys are "hilarious!" I love that. I think they will fit in to this quirky family of ours just fine. One of them is crawling across the floor "like a penguin or frog" I have been just trying hard to imagine that! I am told that they play together and it is not uncommon to see them holding hands. That, I can picture, and it melts my heart.

For their party last night, we had a Monster Truck cake (chosen by the girls), a candle wished on (intently) and blown out by mommy, then re-wished on and re-blown out and repeat by the family; presents, pictures and visiting. A good time had by all - maybe you'll be home by next year kiddos? I'll keep wishing and I'll definitely keep praying.







These 1st birthday presents will await your arrival. Thank you Auntie, Uncle and cousins!

armfarts and other useful things

I don't know what it is these lately, but for some reason our lives seem to be filled with crude jokes about bodily noises.

I would like to say that this is a new phenomena, but unfortunately, as I was reading back in prior entries, I see that I blogged about it around Sugarbear's 5th birthday. At the time it was Dee who was obsessed with the potty humour, but now it has spread to her big sis too.

I know that dad is to blame for these latest rounds, as he recently introduced them to the armpit fart. Since then, she has been heartily practicing at every spare moment. If only I could get her to practice piano this easily!

I honestly try to suppress my laughter each time and lecture her about how inappropriate this display would be at school, but to no avail. It is surely not the fart noise itself, but her steadfast determination mixed with her utter glee at having accomplished the toot sound.

The way she puts her hip into it.

She kind of tosses her whole body to the side and frantically wings her arm up and down.

Her upper lip curls as she furrows her brow.

I just can't keep a straight face, which certainly does not help to discourage the behaviour. In addition, the real thing has been popping up a lot lately.

Didn't I have girls??

So, when we were saying their bedtime prayers tonight and listing everything that we were thankful for, I mentioned (in resignation that this is and will be a perpetual part of my life - I also now have 3 younger boys...) that we should be thankful for farts because if we couldn't fart, then all that gas would build up inside and we would get a tummy ache; to which I get her astonished, slightly excited reply: "you mean farts are useful?!!"

Oh, yes and unfortunately, still, so funny.

careful what you pray for

Has someone ever told you "be careful what you pray for? You just might get it?" I don't think I ever really got that saying. That's the point of praying for something..because you do want it to happen! Right? Er, well....

I have spent the past, let's consult the the ticker here, um 2 years and 2 weeks today, praying for our adoption. Praying for a son, praying for our children. What a ride it has been.

In the process, we have attempted international adoption from two separate countries, failed at one, got sidelined by an earthquake in another, and considered pulling out completely on numerous occasions. We somehow ended up becoming foster parents, fostered 2 adorable little girls, but said goodbye to them too.

Around the time we let go of our little girls, our adoption from Haiti was stalled with no timeline of when we could proceed (years? months? never?). It did not look good(insert one of the numerous times we considered calling it quits here). And then something(s) amazing happened that brings us to now, with our heads spinning.

We accepted another foster placement for a brand new baby boy. This little miracle has been with us now for almost 5 months, with little to no sign of having to be returned (inhale). We have our sights on his adoption and he is a beautiful little blessing. My son.

Then on Aug.24 the phone rang. It was the stork calling (from Haiti)...it's twins! They are 7 months older than our baby boy. Um, so that will almost be like raising, ahem, triplets?! Now, when we began this journey of adoption, we initially envisioned adding a child to our family. A child. What began as a journey to one has twisted and turned unexpectedly in so many ways that it has brought us 3 more babies. Now this all seems too crazy, but crazy good. Insane good!

When we got married 10 years ago it was new and exciting and scary and fun. We knew each other for only 3 weeks. We met on June 2nd and got married on June 23rd. That is another story, but it feels the same. Wonderful and daunting. Daring and exhilarating. Frightening, in a good way. 5 kids! Who wouldn't be intimidated! That is why they say "life is full of surprises"..."be careful what you pray for"...."expect the unexpected"..."life's a journey, enjoy the ride" oh wait, no, that last one is a nissan ad.

Well, buckle up...here we go...!

Kontinye!

Yesterday we got the 'official' phone call from our province indicating to us that we are able to proceed with our adoption from Haiti. We are so thrilled to be able to move ahead in this adoption process.

Next step: child referral! We have been waiting over a year and a half for this, but it feels like eternity. The name of this blog is so appropriate - I didn't even realize how appropriate when I chose it. Another mountain - check! Now it will be a long few weeks until our referral comes in, and then a long few months? years? until he comes home. Many more mountains; but summiting this one was so sweet.

We Proceed!


“In art and dream may you proceed with abandon. In life may you proceed with balance and stealth.”
~Patti Smith


Definition
Proceeding:
of Proceed, The act of one who proceeds, or who prosecutes a design or transaction; progress or movement from one thing to another; a measure or step taken in a course of business; a transaction; as, an illegal proceeding; a cautious or a violent proceeding. The course of procedure in the prosecution of an action at law.


Proceeding Translations:
Haitian Kreyol - kontinye
French - v. continuer, poursuivre; progresser
German - fortsetzend, verfahrende, verfahrend
Italian - procedura
Spanish - procedimiento

Riding the Hope rollercoaster

Wow, it has been a long time since I last wrote. To be honest - I thought I was done with blogging - and for a brief and dark moment, we thought our adoption from Haiti was over. It has been too painful for me to even think about writing an update on our adoption. But something wonderful is happening. In, fact, I am not sure I should even be publishing this post until I know for sure as these past 2 months have been tumultuous and full of hope and heartache. The biggest emotional roller coaster we have ever ridden! But it is a wonderful feeling to be living in hope again, albeit the very guarded kind.

But now we have begun to see a light at the end of this tunnel, and our dream of a son is again a real possibility. I think a lot about this long process and how all of the stuff that never made sense before has begun to gradually stitch itself together at the seams.

Feb 4th, 2010 - that was the day that CIC put up a notice on their website that they would only be proceeding with adoptions where a match had been made - in other words - NOT us. On this day, we accepted 2 beautiful baby girls into our care to foster them until their mom got back on her feet. Over the next month we were consumed with our 4 children, 2 of them in diapers! We navigated through intense emotion, as this was our first foster care placement. We felt what it was like to have a family of 6. (It's difficult! but worth every minute.) While we knew that these girls would never become ours, I tried 'on' being their mom many times. It was great reinforcement to us that adoption was still a good path for us. But at the same time, we were still inclined to believe that this would never happen.

By having these children in our care, we knew with certainty that we wanted more. So we made a big decision about midway through Feb to, as my husband would put it, "pull the goalie". Given our past experiences, typically all he has to do is look at me at this point and voila! a pregnancy. Unfortunately something unexpected happened. As some of you know, I have been fighting chronic pain over the past year or so. I have been through countless ultrasounds, MRI's, surgery, procedures, medication, theraputic medication, homeopath, naturopath, diets, acupuncture, chiropractor, cranio-sacral therapy, massage (my favourite) and physio. Over the past months I have gotten the pain under control - almost gone actually. So when I stopped the pill I was surprised and greatly disappointed to realize that the pain came back - with avengence. I realized that there was no way I could go through nine months of this - without the ability to take my pain medication. So, it seems, we have come full circle, from a family who could was not infertile, but chose this path to our next children deliberately, to a family whose only choice for expansion is through adoption. I pray that we will come out on the other end of this with our son(s)?

Something else has happened in the midst of all this uncertainty, and as the fog lifts, I realize that when we gave up on this process and got impatient, that God stepped in and armoured our decision to adopt(painfully, but decision made nonetheless!). We cannot give up. Our son is out there waiting for all this bureaurcracy to disappear so that he can finally come home.

On Friday, Mar. 26th, our baby girls left us. They went home to their mom who is now healthy enough to support them. We had them for almost 2 months. In that time our eyes were opened to another world within Canada. And to the children here who flounder in a system full of flaws. But they enjoyed their time with us, and they got to go home to a mom who loves them. On the very day they left our care, we discovered that adoptions are open and being processed in Haiti, and that Canada should be allowing matched to come in and that they are still processing Haitian adoptions.

So what happened over the past 2 months when everyone said everything was halted? I don't know, but what I like to believe is that 2 little girls needed our love. That we had to make a pit stop to deliver some care and attention. That we needed reinforcement that our adoption is necessary and destined to happen. At least, this is now, and we are at the top of the hill waiting to throw our hands up and ride this ride to the finish. We found some sense and some peace in all of this so far. Please, God, don't let that change again.

stop Unicef's anti-adoption pressure

I am writing to ask for your support in a letter writing campaign to Unicef. Please help us in yet another struggle for us to get our children home. Please read the information below, and check out the blog:
http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/, for information about how Unicef is trying to close adoptions in Haiti (Jan.30th entry).

"Kids abandoned to an orphanage by their birth parent PRE earthquake are now being held in Haiti thanks to pressure placed on the Haitian government by the giant and powerful Unicef."

I may have asked you for your support before, and I know I can count on you, that is why I am asking again - please write to Unicef using the link below, as well as your local MP, or even our Governor General Michaelle Jean or whoever else you can think of about this matter and encourage them to allow adoptive families and children who were legally adoptable BEFORE this earthquake be considered for international adoption. Please pass this on to anyone you think will write a letter and voice their concern. Unicef is severely misguided in their mission to stop all Haitian adoptions. Safeguards already exist and adoptions are and will continue to be carefully monitored. Unicef has a history of being against international adoption. They would rather see scores of children grow up in institutions or on the street without a family than be placed for adoption internationally. Especially in this day and age I find this stance atrocious. We live in a global community. International adoption has its challenges, but challenges that all internationally adoptive families are forced to examine carefully, prepared for by their agencies, and ultimately tackle head on should they go down this road.

While I agree with Unicef that it is in the best for children to stay with their birth family or extended family, this simply isn't always possible. While I believe in the caregivers at Haiti Children's Home and know they love these kids, they will also be the first to tell you that institutional care is not ideal. We are prepared with the fact that we may bring home a 3 or 4 year old child and have to take the time to teach them what a family is. Most of the children at the orphanages have been there since birth. The concept of family is so foreign to them that it is a concept that actually has to be taught. They don't get that 'Mom' and 'Dad' are a special person to them. They are used to many caregivers, some who come in and out of their lives. When children are removed from orphanages, it also creates a space for another child who may be living on the street to have access to a bed, care and regular food and water. I just simply fail to see why Unicef is taking such a hard stance against families like ours and children like the 30 plus at Haiti Children's Home. In taking this stance, Unicef is trying to protect the newly created orphans from this earthquake. I get that these children need to be safeguarded and not swept away to a foreign country. They may have other family who want to take care of them and who love them. But there were close to half a million orphans BEFORE this tragedy. The earthquake created about 50,000 more. There were THOUSANDS of orphans before this natural disaster, and they have paperwork to PROVE that they were already LEGALLY adoptable, dated BEFORE this earthquake. This can be monitored and no one needs to be sent away who they are not sure about. There are families like ours, who were already in the process of adopting one of these orphans who could needlessly be stopped if Unicef continues to apply their pressure.

Adoption is not going to solve Haiti's problems, adoption is not going to solve the problem of orphans or poverty, but adoption is going to allow some children to find a family, and that is priceless, ESPECIALLY now. Please help be part of the bridge home for these children. Be the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Thank you,

To email Unicef, follow this link:
http://www.unicef.org/about/contact_contactusform.html

To email your MP, follow the link below to get the contact info:
FIND YOUR MP:
http://www2.parl.gc.ca/Parlinfo/Compilations/HouseOfCommons/MemberByPostalCode.aspx?Menu=HOC

For just a little more information on Unicef's efforts see these links:


http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/haitian-government-announces-new-exit-requirement-for-children/

http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/feb-2008/sandrahanksbenoiton/another-look-unicef

http://thehaitilady.blogspot.com/2007/12/unicef-and-haiti.html


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Here is an example of the letter I wrote to UNICEF:

To whom it may concern,

RE: ADOPTION

I am writing in regards to international adoption. I am appalled at your stance in trying to shut down adoptions from Haiti.
My husband and I have been in the process of adoption from Haiti for about 6 months. We have been trying to adopt a child from Haiti Children's Home. In this orphanage, there are 44 children, and only about 10 of them have been matched with families. The rest of these children need a family and many have spent their entire lives in this orphanage. While I understand your concern for the newly orphaned children in Haiti I fail to see your logic in how shutting down adoption will be better for these kids. In Haiti, as with many countries, there are already safeguards in place - I fail to see the need to completely close the door on adoption here.

There were MANY thousands of children who were available for adoption PRIOR to this earthquake who NEED families. Any psychologist would agree, that institutional care is NEVER a better choice than a loving, approved family. Due to the pressure that you are putting on the Haitian government, these children may never get a chance at a loving home such as ours. I know these kids, and I know the caregivers. The care is wonderful, but still cannot compare to the benefit of family. Our child deserves to come home to us. Part of the preparation for international adoption is preparing to embrace the culture of the sending country and adopt the culture into your family. We take pride that we will be able to teach and embrace our child's birth country. Adoptive parents typically end up being their adoptive child's countries biggest advocates.

We want to see Haiti rise up, but please stop interfering with adoption, at least for the thousands of orphans who were paperworked and legally available for adoption prior to this earthquake. Many already had families like us waiting to be matched with them. This is a tragedy for all involved. Please stop your anti-adoption campaign.

Donations for Haiti Children's Home

Champion City Church in Edmonton has graciously agreed to take donations for Haiti Children's Home and issue tax receipts for Canadians only. They are able to do this only temporarily as an emergency relief measure until Feb.14th, 2010.

You can send cheques payable to:

Champion City Church
7531-152 Ave
Edmonton, Alberta
T5C 3L2

Please make your cheque payable to "Champion City Church" and write in the cheque memo 'Haiti Relief' and include your full name and address.